What's good about physical media? Well, it sure beats the heck outta SOCIAL media! Bu-dum-ch! Just kiddin', folks. Really. What's good about phyiscal media? I'll make a David Letterman-style top ten list:
10. John Waters said if you don't have books he won't fuck you. That's probably also true about cassette tapes. And who doesn't want to fuck John Waters? Man, now THAT would be a story.
9. Digital things that you never use are stored on CLOUDS. Physical things you never use are stored on SHELVES.
8. This number yielded a very good Schoolhouse Rock song.
7. Cassette tapes are made with magnetic tape. Heads reorganize and then decode this magnetic material to write and play back audio content. As Insane Clown Posse said, "Magnets--how do they work?" Indeed, since cassette tapes are magnetic and also confusing then they must be made of magicks.
6. Cassette tapes are sort of like the PBR of music storage media: they're not very good but everyone seems to like them. HIPSTERS do, anyway!!
5. Thank god I'm halway thru this list. Why did I do this to myself?
4. Being a part of a physical media movement isn't just about impressing strangers. It's also about destroying the planet by making more useless objects out of non-renewable resources than ever. And since irony is really big right now, joining a movement like that is probably super COOL because it makes no sense.
3. You get to own obscure things like this tape. Seriously, NO ONE has heard of it. Well, except you, now, and whatever other poor souls stumbled upon this page. But most of them forgot about it afterwards. So it's really just YOU. And that means you can "discover" it and tell you friends about this OBSCURE release you heard about. Obscure = cool. But don't tell too many people!! Because then it won't be cool anymore.
2. I really miss David Letterman. He used to really just tell it like it was. Remember that picture of him jogging with a big beard after he retired? Man, that was scary.
1. It's cool.
So there you have it! If THAT didn't convince you then you're beyond hope and you should go look at something else or whatever I don't care anymore.
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